Friday, August 20, 2010

New Political Acronyms

As I get older I can't help wonder what my future will be financially. Will I have the money I need to retire on? What can I expect from the government if I fall short financially? It's enough to boggle the mind. Then one day I received an e-mail from a friend of mine and while it did give me a good chuckle, I can't help but wonder just how close to reality this was.

Here is the message I received. I hope you get a chuckle out of it too.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Parliament has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

  • This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

  • Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Parliament to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

  • Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

  • A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Parliament deems appropriate.

  • Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

  • Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Parliament.

  • Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Parliament has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

  • Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

  • Sincerely,

    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

    PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.


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