The 2010 Darwin Awards

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Award Winners:

Eighth Place-

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place-

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place-

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place-

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place-

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place-

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into 'H&J Leather & Firearms' intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few shots in the air from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens."

It always seems fitting to thank these people for unwittingly removing themselves from the gene pool.

Is The Canadian Legion Hypocritical

     Every year at this time for the past 3 or 4 years, a new controversy arises. A new group calling itself the Island Peace Committee feels that the selling of white poppies to represent non-violent conflict resolution should be allowed alongside the sale of the Legions red poppies. The white poppies are for those who support peace while the red poppies represent those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. But here's the rub.

     The Canadian Legion feels they own the poppy emblem and should have total excusivity on their sale. As I understand it and what I was taught growing up, the men and women who died during WW1, and WW2 did so in the name of freedom. They died so we would have the freedom to live life without being dictated to. Isn't the Legion doing just that though with the demands against a group whose sole purpose is to promote a peaceful life? Sounds a little hypocritical to me.

     If it were up to me, I say let them sell the white poppies to remind us that there is an alternative to war and so that we don't have to wear a red poppy but we do so to honour those who died for our freedom. It's not disrespectful to want something that those who died for us wanted us to have.

     Just for the record, I am a member of the Canadian Legion and I wear a red poppy every year. I thank those who died during the wars and am grateful for the sacrifice they made. My own Father was a member of the armed forces who saw combat during the Korean conflict. Just because I say a white poppy has it's place in todays society does not mean any disrespect to those honoured by the wearing of a red poppy.